


Kokoro

by GakuKaito



Category: Vocaloid
Genre: Angst, Fluff, GakuKai, M/M, Mentions of Alcohol Abuse, Vocaloid - Freeform, implied nsfw, kaito always calls gakupo master, mentions of child abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:14:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26465497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GakuKaito/pseuds/GakuKaito
Summary: Gakupo is an amateur Vocaloid producer, and Kaito is a Vocaloid who has a defect... He has a heart. If he falls in love, the heart will slowly kill him- and he's already fallen for Gakupo.
Relationships: Kaito/Kamui Gakupo
Comments: 5
Kudos: 11





	1. Don't Say you Love Me

Kamui Gakupo didn’t know exactly what he was getting into the day he bought the music software. 

He’d heard of these “Vocaloids,” but had never experienced one for himself. He had originally wanted the model of Gumi Megpoid, but when he got to the store there was only one left on the shelf-- one titled “Kaito.” He sighed, picking up the box. It was a newly updated ‘V3’ model, and as he read the features on the box for the program, he decided that it would do.

Gakupo was an amateur music producer with a bit of a following, and he’d seen so many videos of these Vocaloids. He’d seen some featuring Kaito, and while he wasn’t the biggest fan, he knew that Kaito had potential. So, he brought it home. What he didn’t know was that this particular software was… defective. The Vocaloid inside of the box had a heart, one that would eventually kill it if it ever fell in love.

Once Gakupo got home he opened the box and read the instructions, made himself a pot of tea, and began to prepare dinner as he waited for his computer to download the software. After it was finished, the hour had become quite late. Gakupo decided to go to bed, figuring that he’d work on the music and play around with this new software the following day.

The next morning after breakfast, Gakupo decided that it was time to get to work. However, when he went to open up the Vocaloid program that he’d installed onto his computer, the files weren’t there. He frowned. He remembered the previous night, specifically having seen the loading bar say that the software had finished installing.

“My apologies, master… I just couldn’t wait any longer to meet you.”

Gakupo jumped, having heard a soft voice from behind where he sat. He turned around and saw a man that he recognized-- the Vocaloid Kaito stood there, as if he were a real person.

Gakupo reached for the katana that he kept by the computer. This had to be some sort of joke. A fan had been stalking him perhaps, found his house, found out that he had recently bought Vocaloid software, deleted the program, and dressed up as the character he’d just installed. 

“Back away. Slowly. Put your hands in the air where I can see them.” Gakupo unsheathed the katana. He had training in sword fighting- his ancestors had been samurai, and he’d taken up the craft as a way to honor their memories. 

The man who looked like Kaito did as he was instructed, his hands rising above his head, empty palms facing Gakupo. His expression was one of bewilderment, mixed with slight fear and a hint of disappointment.

“Tell me who you are.” Gakupo looked into his eyes. They were a startling shade of blue. This sick fan had really gone to great lengths to look like this “Kaito,” and if Gakupo weren’t afraid for his life, he’d have been quite impressed.

“Don’t you recognize me?” the stranger asked. He bowed slightly at the waist, his hands still in the air. It would have been a rather comical sight if it wasn’t so strange. “I’m Kaito… I’m the Vocaloid you brought home last night.” 

Gakupo let out a strangled laugh. “No, you’re not. What you are is delusional.” 

The man who claimed to be Kaito straightened, standing normally again. “I really am Kaito… There was a defect in this software that allowed me to be here for real instead of just as a computer program. How can I prove to you that I really am who I say I am?”

Gakupo didn’t know the answer to that. He supposed there was only one way that this man could prove himself to be the real Kaito-- and even then, he’d still be suspicious.

“Sing for me.”

That was an easy request, and one that the man was more than happy to fulfill. With a smile, he began to sing.

Every word that came from his strangely perfect mouth made Gakupo more and more sure that the man that stood in front of him was truly Kaito. He wasn’t sure how, but it seemed as though his computer software really had come to life, and now there was actually a Vocaloid standing in his living room. 

When he’d finished his song and accompanying dance, the man bowed once again. He wasn’t even slightly winded from his demonstration, which Gakupo admittedly found to be almost more impressive than the performance itself. “Do you believe me yet?” he asked, and Gakupo found himself nodding. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
That was how Gakupo found himself in the situation that he was in now. A Vocaloid program had somehow come to life and was now his partner, an incredibly cute blue haired man who always called him “master” and insisted on singing to him before he went to sleep. 

It was evening now, and Kaito was sitting on the couch next to Gakupo reading a book while Gakupo worked on his laptop. Kaito was wearing grey sweatpants and a tight fitting white t-shirt. He mostly wore Gakupo’s clothes, and Gakupo was a lot taller than Kaito, so the pants were too long on him. Gakupo thought he looked adorable, and honestly it was hard for him to concentrate with the way that Kaito had his head laid on his shoulder.

“Master, are you almost finished?” Kaito asked, looking up at Gakupo. Gakupo sighed, stretching his arms above his head with a soft groan before looking back at Kaito. His bright blue eyes seemed to reflect the very sunset itself, creating a beautiful sky filled with sparkling stars in his gaze. 

“I suppose a break wouldn’t hurt.” Gakupo responded. Kaito was too cute for him to resist. It certainly resulted in a lot of nearly missed deadlines with his work, but Kaito always managed to make up for it. Gakupo found that he didn’t really mind anyway, as long as he had Kaito by his side. 

Kaito smiled when Gakupo agreed to take a break, watching as he closed his laptop. Gakupo leaned close to brush his lips against Kaito’s, making the Vocaloid giggle a bit against his mouth. Gakupo wrapped his arms around the other, sighing when Kaito threaded his fingers through his long hair. 

“How long was I working?” he asked softly, letting Kaito rest his head against his shoulder once more.

“Too long, master. You deserve more breaks.” Kaito moved one hand down to Gakupo’s shoulder, the one that his head wasn’t on, kneading at the tense muscle. 

“Mmm… Perhaps I do. You make it hard to concentrate anyway.” Gakupo murmured, his eyes falling closed as Kaito helped him to relax a little. 

“Would you like some tea? I can make it for both of us.” Kaito offered, pulling away and looking into Gakupo’s half lidded eyes, which had opened a little when Kaito distanced himself. 

Gakupo was a little disappointed when Kaito moved, but there would be time for more affectionate moments later. Gakupo was realizing that he hadn’t eaten for many hours, and his stomach was starting to growl. “That would be wonderful.” He leaned close to press another kiss to Kaito’s cheek before the Vocaloid stood up and headed to the kitchen. Gakupo stayed seated on the couch, wondering how he’d managed to get so lucky. 

Kaito came back with the tea about 15 minutes later. He’d done everything to make it perfect, always wanting to please his master. The green tea had a hint of peach flavor, and Kaito seemed anxious to make sure that Gakupo would like it. “Wait, master. It’s going to burn you if you try to drink it just now.” Kaito’s voice sounded urgent as Gakupo lifted the delicate cup to his lips.

The producer couldn’t help but smile as Kaito warned him. “Thank you, Kaito.” He set the cup down and waited for the tea to cool a little before drinking it. 

“I also started dinner.” Kaito said, climbing into Gakupo’s lap and making himself comfortable. 

“Oh, you did? What are you making?” Gakupo asked, smiling as Kaito nestled against his chest. 

“I sliced those eggplants we bought a few days ago. They’re baking in the oven right now with some olive oil and spices, and then I’m going to put cheese on them once they’re done baking.” Kaito responded in his soft voice.

“That sounds perfect.” Gakupo hummed, moving a hand up to stroke the Vocaloid’s hair gently. “Thank you, Kai.” 

“Anything for you, master…” Kaito purred against his chest.

“You know, I’m not your master… I consider myself to be your equal.” Gakupo reached down to tilt Kaito’s chin up so that he could look into his eyes. “You don’t need to call me that.” 

Kaito thought for a moment. “What would you prefer to be called then?”

“Just Gakupo is fine, or Kamui-kun, or even Gaku…”

“It’s going to take some getting used to, but I’ll try my best, maste- I mean, Gaku-san…” Kaito giggled a bit as he called Gakupo by a more affectionate name.

Gakupo smiled again, warming Kaito up inside. The Vocaloid blushed, wrinkling his nose as Gakupo leaned down to kiss it. For the first time ever, he could feel the heart inside of himself-- and he was scared. He didn’t say anything about it though. Even if it ended up killing him, he wanted to just spend the rest time here with Gakupo for as long as he could. He liked being able to make his master smile, and Gakupo made him feel loved in return.

The tea had cooled down enough for Gakupo to drink within a few minutes. He let go of Kaito reluctantly to pick up the cup, taking a sip of it. “It’s very good, Kai. Thank you for making this for me. Did you make some for yourself as well?”

Kaito nodded. “I did, but… I left it in the kitchen by accident. And then I came and sat down here, and I’m too comfortable to go back and get it now,” he answered sheepishly. 

Gakupo chuckled. “It’ll still be good. Let’s go get it now. You know how I don’t like to waste food.” He waited for Kaito to stand up before getting up off of the couch. 

Once Gakupo stood up, Kaito wrapped his arms around the producer’s neck and stood on his tiptoes to give his face a quick kiss. Gakupo’s cheeks turned a light shade of pink. “What was that for?”

“I just can’t resist you, master.”

Gakupo chuckled at that, taking Kaito’s hand and leading him into the kitchen. It was already filled with the savory scent of the cooking eggplant, and Gakupo’s mouth watered. “It smells delicious…”

Kaito beamed at the praise. He picked up his neglected cup of tea and took a sip of it. He couldn’t imagine a better life than being here with Gakupo. Getting to make music with him, sleep in his arms every night, and be known as his partner was the best life the Vocaloid could have asked for. He knew that one day it would have to come to an end-- but that wasn’t something that he could tell Gakupo. He didn’t ever want to make his master unhappy. Just seeing him smile was enough to keep the sad truth inside.

Gakupo sat down at the table, and Kaito sat down across from him. “What should we do tomorrow?” Gakupo asked. He had the day off, and of course he wanted to spend it with his partner. 

Kaito gazed out at the night sky. “Mmm… What’s the weather supposed to be like?” he asked, his voice distant. He was wondering where he’d go after this was all over, where he’d end up. Would he still have his memories of his time with Gakupo? Would Gakupo still remember him?

“The weather is supposed to be nice,” Gakupo responded, not knowing what was on his partner’s mind. “I was thinking we could go to the park and sail boats on the pond.” 

Gakupo had been imagining that scenario for quite awhile now, how happy and cute Kaito would look with the water making his clear blue eyes sparkle even more brightly than normal, the breeze rustling his hair, and a content smile on his lips. 

“That sounds like fun!” Kaito brought his full attention back to Gakupo and their plans for the following day. “Do you have toy boats already?”

Gakupo nodded. “I have a couple of wooden ones. We can bring crumbs to feed to the birds as well, if you’d like. We can even have a picnic.”

Kaito felt the heart that he wasn’t supposed to have swell even more within his chest. He was so happy, it hurt. He let out a soft gasp, pressing his hand over it, teeth clenched with pain.

“Kai? What’s wrong?” Gakupo asked, sounding concerned. He stood up, going to stand at the Vocaloid’s side.

Kaito didn’t want to lie to Gakupo, but he didn’t want to tell him the truth just yet either. “Nothing. I promise, I’m okay.” He went with the lie, speaking through his wince. However, the lie made the heart that he was only now discovering hurt even more.

Gakupo didn’t believe that Kaito was truly okay, but what could he say? He didn’t want to accuse his boyfriend of lying, even though he suspected exactly that. He moved away, going to check on the eggplant in the oven without saying anything more. 

“Gaku-san?” Kaito asked, his voice sounding strained. He decided that now was the time to say something that he’d never said before. He knew the truth now anyway, with the way that his heart was causing this horrible pain. 

Gakupo turned back to Kaito. “What is it?” he asked, his voice still filled with concern. 

“I… I’m pretty sure that I…” Kaito placed his other hand over his chest along with the first and stood up.

Gakupo’s gaze was so intense, Kaito felt like he was burning up. “I love you.” he said, his voice even quieter than he thought. To him, it was ridiculously loud, echoing in the silence of the kitchen.

Gakupo’s eyes widened. He left the eggplant to keep cooking, returning to Kaito’s side once more. “I’m so glad to hear you say that…” Gakupo lifted Kaito up into his arms, holding him so that his feet didn’t touch the ground. Kaito wrapped his legs around Gakupo’s waist, looking down at him with a faint smile on his lips. The heart inside of his chest was beating so fast, Kaito thought that it would explode out of him and kill him right then. 

“I love you too.” Gakupo confessed, looking up at Kaito for once. “I’ve only known you for a few months, yet… I couldn’t imagine a life without you by my side.” 

Those words… Kaito knew that eventually, the unimaginable would have to happen. He hated having to hide it from Gakupo, even if this was the first time he’d been affected by the pain. From now on though, he had a feeling that it would only get worse. He realized he wasn’t smiling and quickly plastered a smile onto his features, trying to hide the stabbing agony that ripped through his chest. He leaned down, taking Gakupo’s face in his palms, and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips.

Gakupo sat down again, letting Kaito sit in his lap as they continued to kiss. Kaito could taste the faint peachy aftertaste of the tea on Gakupo’s tongue, and Gakupo could taste the same flavor on Kaito’s. Kaito pressed closer, wanting to be held tighter by the sword-fighting producer’s strong arms. Gakupo let out a soft groan into Kaito’s mouth, his embrace tightening around the Vocaloid’s waist, just like Kaito had wanted. Kaito responded with a cute little gasp, his fingers weaving into Gakupo’s long hair.

Gakupo and Kaito both jumped when the timer on the oven went off, signifying that the eggplant was finished cooking. Kaito made a frustrated noise, moving off of Gakupo’s lap to go and take it out. Gakupo watched him as he walked away, appreciating the sway of his slim hips and the way he bent over to remove the hot food from the oven.

Kaito set the baking tray on the stove to cool, going to the fridge and getting some cheese out. He started to grate it, but he was still so distracted that he accidentally slipped and cut his finger. Gakupo, who had been watching the whole time, gasped and rushed over.

“Kai… You okay?” he frowned. “Here. I’ll finish that if you want. Hey… You’re bleeding…” 

Gakupo walked Kaito back to the table and sat him down, kneeling in front of him to inspect the cut on his finger. It wasn’t bad, but it looked painful nonetheless. “I’m going to go get you a bandage. Be more careful next time, okay?”

Kaito nodded, hanging his head after Gakupo had gone to get the first aid kit. He’d just wanted to make dinner for his boyfriend, but instead ended up worrying him, and on top of that, now Gakupo had to finish the work. 

Gakupo came back with a bandage, ointment, and a wet washcloth. He gently wiped the blood away from the cut, then opened the ointment and squeezed some onto the pad of the bandage. He wrapped the bandage around Kaito’s finger before raising the injured hand to his lips and placing a gentle kiss over the covered wound. “There. All better.” He gave Kaito a soft smile. “Dinner will be finished soon.”

He washed his hands then headed back to the stove and finished grating the cheese, putting a good amount on the sliced eggplants before serving them up. He brought back plates for himself and Kaito, as well as forks, napkins, and second cups of tea.

“Thank you, master…”Kaito said softly, sounding ashamed of himself. “I’m sorry to have troubled you like that…”

Gakupo had already begun eating, he was so hungry. He looked over at Kaito, tears in his eyes from the way the hot food burned his mouth. He swallowed his bite. “You didn’t trouble me at all. Thank you for making the dinner and the tea for us both.”

“You’re welcome,” Kaito managed, blowing on his food carefully before taking a bite of it. At least he’d done well. He thought that it tasted very good, and he could only hope that Gakupo thought the same.

“I’m sorry I’ve been so busy lately.” Gakupo said after a moment. “I just have a really important deadline that I’m trying to reach in time… I appreciate you not being as distracting as usual, and I also appreciate you reminding me to take breaks sometimes.”

Kaito wasn’t sure how to respond to that. “I… Don’t try to distract you…” he said. He hoped that Gakupo wasn’t upset with him for it.

“I know.” Gakupo chuckled. “You manage to do so anyway. Just having you next to me is very tempting. There are always other things I want to do. I want to have fun with you and give you all of my attention, but… I can’t.”

It made Kaito feel better to hear that Gakupo at least wanted to give him attention all the time. “I understand,” was his only response, even though his face radiated joy.

Gakupo noted the expression on Kaito’s features and decided that since Kaito looked happy, things were okay. He decided to make it even better for his boyfriend. “This dinner you made is so delicious. I love it so much. I love you so much.” 

Kaito nearly choked, having to take an unattractive gulp of his tea in order to regain his composure. “M- master…” he whispered, his face a heated shade of red. He didn’t know if he’d ever be able to handle Gakupo saying that without having such an obvious reaction. He also didn’t know how many more times he could listen to Gakupo say it before his heart couldn’t take any more and killed him.

Satisfied with the response from Kaito, Gakupo finished his dinner and stood to get seconds.


	2. The Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaito tells Gakupo the truth about his heart, and Gakupo remembers his childhood.

That night before bed, Kaito found himself a little nervous to sleep beside Gakupo for the first time since they’d met. Both of them had bathed, and Gakupo’s hair was freshly washed and brushed. The producer smelled faintly of lavender soap and chamomile shampoo, and the combination was so delicious that Kaito’s mouth almost watered. He watched as Gakupo laid down, slowly and reluctantly sitting on his side of the bed after Gakupo had made himself comfortable.

Gakupo frowned slightly when Kaito didn’t automatically tuck himself into his arms like he always did. “Kai, I can tell that something is wrong. Please tell me what it is… I swear I’ll do anything within my power to make it better.”

Kaito shook his head. Things were better than ever for their relationship. He didn’t want to ruin it so soon after they’d admitted their true feelings for each other. “Nothing is wrong, I promise… I’ve just been feeling some pain that I’m not used to.” 

There. That was sort of the truth.

“Pain? What kind of pain?” Gakupo asked, sitting up so that he was eye level with his partner. “Would a massage help?”

Kaito shook his head. “I don’t want my master going to any unnecessary trouble for me…”

Gakupo placed a soothing hand on Kaito’s thigh. Kaito looked down, feeling the warmth radiate through the thin pants he was wearing. “I told you, I’m not your master.” Gakupo said, still looking into Kaito’s eyes. “I just want to help you to feel better. I’ll do whatever it takes, as long as it’s humanly possible.”

Kaito took a deep breath and let it out. “It’s my heart… It hurts.” He whispered, his eyes filling with tears. He didn’t even know that he had the ability to cry, but for the first time he was so sad and afraid for their future together that his emotions were threatening to spill from his eyes.

“Why does it hurt? I didn’t do anything to hurt you, did I?” Gakupo asked, immediately trying to think back over the past few days. He couldn’t think of anything he could have done to hurt Kaito’s feelings.

“No… You made me so happy tonight that I couldn’t… process what I was feeling properly, and it’s hurt ever since.” Kaito whispered, tears spilling down his cheeks now.

Gakupo knew that Kaito was still a computer program that had somehow come to life, and figured that his confession of love must have been overwhelming to him. He nodded, just pulling the other into his arms. Kaito hid his face against Gakupo’s chest, letting himself cry harder now that Gakupo couldn’t see his expression. Gakupo didn’t say anything, just stroked Kaito’s back soothingly. He didn’t say that he loved Kaito again, even though he was thinking it. He hoped that his actions said it even without the use of words.

“Kai, I hope you know that you’ll always have a place here with me. You don’t need to be afraid of anything, you know that? I’m going to stay with you until the very end. I swear on my ancestors’ graves that I wouldn’t ever leave you.” Gakupo whispered the words against Kaito’s hair, frowning when Kaito just cried more. 

Gakupo didn’t say anything more until Kaito quieted down, a few soft sobs escaping his chest every once in a while. Gakupo took a deep breath and began to do something that he’d been thinking about doing for awhile.

He began to sing to Kaito, knowing that Kaito enjoyed music and singing more than anything else. Kaito seemed to calm down at the sound of Gakupo’s voice weaving a beautiful aria for his ears only, and after a moment he began to sing along, his voice rising in a higher harmony. 

Gakupo never really sang in front of people. He was self conscious about his voice, but together with Kaito’s, he thought for the first time that it sounded beautiful. No, it wasn’t just him that sounded beautiful-- it was the mix of their voices together, creating an intoxicating melody. 

When the song was finished, Kaito pulled away to look at Gakupo. His eyes and lashes were still wet with tears. He sniffed slightly. “Gaku-san… Your voice is wonderful. I never knew you could sing… But singing with you brought me so much joy.” he managed to smile.

Seeing Kaito smile made Gakupo’s face break out in a relieved grin as well. “We sounded incredible together, didn’t we?”

Kaito nodded, hugging Gakupo again. “I’m sorry I got your shirt all wet, master…”

“It’s alright. I can change.” Gakupo stood up and put on a different shirt before returning to the bed. “Are you ready to sleep too?”

Kaito nodded. He felt better after crying in a way he hadn’t expected to. For the moment he felt like maybe everything could somehow be alright. He didn’t know how, but he hoped that there was a way that he could stay by Gakupo’s side just a little longer.

Gakupo, still as unsuspecting as ever, pulled Kaito into a close embrace and pulled the blankets up over them both once they were comfortable. He leaned over to turn the lights off and kiss Kaito’s forehead. Kaito responded by pressing a soft little kiss to Gakupo’s jaw.

“Oyasumi, master.”

“Oyasumi, Kaito. I love you.”

There it was. That pain again, but Kaito didn’t say anything. He tensed in Gakupo’s arms, and Gakupo frowned, but didn’t say anything either. Maybe he’d have to tone down saying that he loved Kaito for now. He hoped it wouldn’t last, because not being able to express his feelings would end up hurting him if he had to keep them all inside.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next morning, Gakupo woke up before Kaito did. He decided to prepare breakfast for them both to thank Kaito for dinner, then when it was done he started on the preparations for their picnic. Kaito emerged from the bedroom rubbing his eyes, his hair slightly messy from laying in bed. 

“Ohayo, master.” Kaito said softly, his voice low with sleep. 

Gakupo turned to look at him, going to kiss the top of his head. “Ohayo, Kai. Breakfast is ready if you’d like some. Help yourself. I’ve started preparing for our date later.” 

Kaito’s stomach was rumbling, so he got a plate and served himself. He sat down at the table and waited for Gakupo to join him. 

“You never wake up first.” Kaito said when Gakupo sat down with his own plate. “And you waited to eat for me to get here…” Kaito gave him a grateful smile. “I really appreciate this.”

Gakupo started eating as soon as he’d sat down. He nodded, swallowing before he spoke. “I wanted to thank you for dinner last night. Plus, I was excited about our date, so I decided to start getting everything ready.”

Kaito liked that Gakupo kept referring to their outing as a date. Gakupo had taken him on a few outings, mostly informal, and they always had fun together. Kaito especially loved things like water and boats and birds, so he was overjoyed at what the day could have in store. Plus, looking across the table and seeing the early morning sun sparkling in Gakupo’s eyes was enough to make him almost forget the pain of the previous night.

“What are you bringing on the picnic?” Kaito asked, starting to eat his breakfast.

“Well, I was getting a salad together-- mozzarella cheese, tomatoes, and basil. Something from Italy, since it’s said to be such a romantic place. As well as the salad, I wanted to stop by a bakery to get some bread, olive oil, and sweets.” Gakupo stood up to get a glass and fill it with water, bringing it to Kaito before sitting back down.

Kaito nodded. “That sounds good.” He took a drink of the water that his boyfriend had brought for him. “Do you want me to go to the bakery with you?”

Gakupo thought for a moment. “You can come if you want to, but I wanted everything to be a surprise. Why don’t you get ready while I go? I won’t be long, I promise.”

Kaito wanted to let Gakupo have his surprise, so he agreed. “Okay. I’ll stay here and get dressed while you go.” 

The producer smiled widely, standing up to put his plate in the sink. He stopped to kiss Kaito’s forehead. “Then it’s settled. I’ll be back in a little while, okay?”

Kaito nodded. “I’ll miss you, master.”

“I’ll miss you too, Kai.” Gakupo said, then headed out.

While Gakupo shopped, Kaito cleaned up the kitchen a little, then went to make the bed, brush his teeth, and get dressed. He hummed softly to himself while picking out what to wear. He decided on mid-length white shorts and a light blue t-shirt, as well as his favorite blue scarf. He went and fixed his hair in the mirror, then sat down in the living room to wait for Gakupo’s return.

Gakupo came back after about 45 minutes, carrying a basket with a few items in it. Kaito rushed to help him carry everything, but Gakupo stopped him. “It’s a surprise, remember? I’ll get it all ready.”

Kaito pouted a little, but Gakupo just pressed a soft kiss to his lips and turned the expression into a smile. 

While Gakupo finished preparing their picnic lunch, Kaito worked on some chores. He sang happily as he busied himself. When everything was ready, the two of them set off to the park.

The walk was nice, the air filled with the scent of flowers and sunshine. Gakupo carried the cooler in one hand, the other hand holding one of Kaito’s. Every once in a while, Kaito would look adoringly over at Gakupo, just watching him as he talked or the way he stopped to gaze at the blossoming trees. Every time he’d stop, Kaito stopped with him, listening attentively to whatever it was he had to say about the surroundings. Eventually they made it to the park as noon came around.

On top of the food in the cooler was a blanket, and Gakupo laid it out next to the pond. There were lots of ducks on the pond, mostly mothers followed by their newly hatched babies. Kaito smiled at the scene in front of him, taking one of the small wooden boats that Gakupo handed to him. 

“I made these when I was a child.” Gakupo remarked, setting his own boat on the water and watching as it floated. Gakupo never talked much about his childhood, and Kaito didn’t pry. However, hearing him mention it piqued the Vocaloid’s interest.

“Gaku-san… What was your childhood like?” Kaito ventured, setting his boat beside Gakupo’s.

“Hmm… The memories of being younger are not something that I wish to spoil such a lovely day with. Besides, all of that is in the past now. What matters is being here with you, and the future that you and I can have together.”

Kaito made a soft noise, looking down. The pain in his heart was back, just as bad as last night. He clutched at his chest, his lips pressing together in a thin line. Gakupo noticed it, sighing softly. He took Kaito’s hand.

“Kai, I really don’t mean to hurt you…” he said gently. 

“You’re not hurting me…” Kaito mumbled, hating himself for worrying his boyfriend yet again.

“Every time I say something like that to you, you act like I’ve plunged a knife into your heart. Since last night… It’s like something changed.”

“Something did change.” Kaito forced himself to look up at Gakupo. “When I said what I was truly feeling… And when you said it back…”

Gakupo’s eyes went wide with panic. Maybe Kaito was regretting saying that he’d loved him. Maybe those feelings weren’t the truth after all, and their relationship was now headed for doom. He hoped desperately that that wasn’t the case, and that things could eventually be fixed.

“Let’s sit down.” Gakupo left the lake’s edge and sat down on the blanket he’d laid out, patting a spot for Kaito to sit beside him.

“Master, please don’t get the wrong idea…” Kaito reached his hand out for Gakupo’s, and Gakupo took it with a pounding heart. “There’s something I have to tell you.”

Gakupo listened as Kaito explained about the heart he wasn’t supposed to have, and how it would destroy him if he kept on feeling the way that he did. “So it’s not that I don’t love you… It’s that I love you so much that it’s killing me.” As Kaito finished his confession, Gakupo’s world went dark.

“I… See.” Gakupo wasn’t sure what else he could say. Since he’d met Kaito, his life had felt like a beautiful dream. He should have known that it was too good to be true. He should have known that sooner or later it would all come crashing down around him. His childhood hadn’t been happy; so why should his future be? Everyone that Gakupo loved… They’d always disappear. One way or another, it seemed that he was destined to spend his life alone.

“Are you mad, master?” Kaito’s gentle voice cut through Gakupo’s thoughts. The Vocaloid gasped as he was pulled into an embrace so tight that he could hardly breathe.

“How could you think that I’m mad?” Gakupo asked. His voice sounded strained, and Kaito realized that the other was holding back tears. “I’m not mad at you… I’m just… I can’t bear to think of losing you. That’s all.”

Kaito nodded. “I don’t want that either. Master… Even if it was for a short time, I’m still glad that I got to know you. I’m glad that I got to learn what love is. Vocaloids have always been destined to sing songs about love without ever truly experiencing it for themselves. In that way, I’m luckier than any of the other versions of myself out there.”

Gakupo just held tighter to his boyfriend, only easing his grip when Kaito squeaked softly. “I’m sorry… Did I hurt you?” Gakupo asked, pulling back to look at Kaito’s face.

“It was hard to breathe, but I’m okay.” He forced himself to smile. “Let’s just try to have fun and finish this date. We can talk about… the future… Later.”

Gakupo didn’t think that he could eat, but he knew he had to try. Now that he knew that his time with Kaito was rapidly coming to an end, he just wanted to make the other as happy as he could for the remainder of it. He took a deep breath and nodded. “Whatever you want, Kai. I’m all yours.”

Kaito leaned close again and kissed Gakupo’s nose. “Thank you, Gaku-san… It means a lot to me.” He looked out at the water again, watching as their boats drifted in opposite directions.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The rest of the date went by as pleasantly as it could. Gakupo had gotten ice cream to surprise Kaito, but watching his boyfriend enjoy the cold treat hurt as much as it brought joy. All the producer could think about was the day when he wouldn’t be able to see him anymore, wouldn’t be able to hold him or listen to him sing or watch the way that he smiled when he was happy. When they got home, Kaito said he wanted to take a nap. Gakupo stayed with him until he fell asleep, then quietly slipped outside.

The weather had gone from beautiful to overcast. Rain was beginning to fall down, making the ground soften and the trees shiver as each drop hit the foliage. Gakupo finally let himself cry, burying his face in his hands and shaking harder than the leaves. The rain soaked him to the bone, his clothes dripping and his hair hanging around him in wet strands as he hugged his knees to his chest. He remembered a day from his childhood when he’d done the same thing. His father had hit his younger brother in the face, leaving a bruise, and he’d been powerless to stop the abuse. His mother had sworn, something he’d never heard her do, and Gakupo ran outside in the rain to hide. He remembered sitting in the woods behind their house for hours, not coming back in until his father had passed out drunk and everyone had already eaten dinner. Gakupo caught a cold the next day, and stayed home from school.

When he finally stood up to return to Kaito, he felt weaker than he remembered ever feeling in his life. He opened the door to see his boyfriend standing right there, a worried expression on his face. “Master, what happened?” Kaito asked. “I was so worried about you… I couldn’t find you anywhere in the house, I looked everywhere…” 

Gakupo stepped through the door, dripping all over the wooden floor, and Kaito threw his arms around him. The producer shivered violently in his embrace, instinctively pressing as close to Kaito’s warmth as he could. Kaito held him tighter. “You’re so cold… Let’s take a bath, okay?” 

Gakupo could only nod, undressing while Kaito started the bath. While the water ran, Kaito wrapped a towel around his hair and a blanket around his shuddering body. He could tell that the Vocaloid was terribly worried, and he felt bad that his actions had caused Kaito’s discomfort. He sat down on the couch and Kaito crawled into his arms like he always did. Gakupo just held him, stroking his hair. There was nothing to say. He knew that his boyfriend knew exactly what was wrong, and that there was no solution. For now all they had was time, and every second brought it closer to its end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again to my sister for being my editor, and for all the kind words on the Vocaloid RP discord from people who've read this <3


	3. In Sickness and in Health

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gakupo pretends to be sick so that he can surprise Kaito.

The next day, Gakupo decided that he wanted to do something special for Kaito. The picnic the previous day paled in comparison to everything that had been stirring around in his mind after the Vocaloid’s confession. He had the perfect excuse to get Kaito out of the house for the morning, as well.

“Kai…” Gakupo mumbled when he woke up. “I think I’m sick… Being out in the rain yesterday must’ve given me a cold.”

Gakupo knew that Kaito would immediately be concerned, and he felt a little bad about it, but he needed to be alone to carry out his plans. “Would you…” He coughed weakly, hoping he’d sound convincing. “Go to the store and get me some medicine, please? Oh, and a bottle of carrot juice?”

Kaito was more than ready to do anything to help Gakupo. He sprung out of bed, going to the closet and getting dressed immediately. It was still raining outside, not having let up from the previous afternoon. Kaito dressed warmly, once again wearing his favorite blue scarf. “Don’t forget an umbrella,” Gakupo reminded him, getting out of bed and getting dressed once Kaito left.

Gakupo knew he’d have to work fast. He made the bed and brushed his teeth, then headed to the kitchen where there was a bouquet of roses in a vase on the table. He stripped the flowers of their petals, going back to the bedroom and scattering the brightly colored blossoms all over the bed. He closed the blinds and lit several candles, then put on a playlist of soft music. After all that, he went back out to the kitchen to start a pot of tea.

When Kaito got back, Gakupo was waiting at the door for him. He swept the other up into his arms, carrying his very confused boyfriend bridal style back to their bedroom. Kaito’s eyes widened at how nice it looked inside as he dropped the bags he’d been carrying on the floor.

“Master… I thought you were sick…” Kaito managed, looking around at the way the candlelight danced on the walls.

Gakupo set him gently on the bed, moving to take Kaitos shoes off for him before crawling over top of him. “Forgive me. I needed time to set this up.”

Kaito didn’t complain as Gakupo’s lips met his, instead closing his eyes and kissing the other back earnestly. One of the producer’s hands found the Vocaloid’s scarf, gripping it lightly and using it to pull him closer. Kaito’s body melted against his, like the ice cream he loved so much left to sit out in the hot sun. He let out a soft moan, hooking a leg around Gakupo’s waist, pulling the lower half of his body down to slot against his own. Gakupo slipped his tongue into Kaito’s mouth when he moaned, circling it around the other's slowly and gently. He loved the way that his boyfriend tasted. He loved everything about Kaito. He hoped that in this moment, he could show him just how much. 

Gakupo’s lips were as soft as the petals on the bed, and he was a skilled kisser. Kaito felt as though he were drowning in emotions, the soft floral scent of the candles entering his nose as his boyfriend claimed the rest of his senses. Gakupo’s hair still smelled like chamomile shampoo from their bath the previous night, and Kaito smelled like rain and the sweet ice cream that he adored. Gakupo wondered in the back of his mind if Kaito had been up late eating it, and the thought brought a bittersweet smile to his lips.

He pulled away to breathe, his chest heaving slightly as he caught his breath. “Master, are you alright?” Kaito asked, not winded in the slightest. Just like the morning they’d met, when he’d sang and danced for Gakupo, the Vocaloid had incredible control over his breathing.

Gakupo nodded. “I’m fine, Kai. Kissing you just always takes my breath away. I love you so much.” 

Kaito smiled up at him, ignoring the pain that seared his chest as he reached a hand up to caress Gakupo’s cheek. “I love you too.” He said softly. His hand moved down, fingers trailing over the smooth skin of his boyfriend’s neck to the collar of his shirt, where he stopped to undo the first few buttons. 

Gakupo gazed at him as he was slowly undressed, removing the scarf from around Kaito’s neck before kissing the area that he’d bared. Kaito tilted his head back, another soft moan escaping his mouth as Gakupo’s warm lips found his sensitive flesh. Goosebumps rose on his body at the contrast in temperature, Kaito having been cold from his time out in the rain.

Gakupo pressed their hips closer together, his mouth moving lower to lick slowly along one of Kaito’s collarbones. Kaito made a cute whimpery noise, his head falling further back as Gakupo began to suck a bruise into a particularly delicate spot. 

The rain poured harder as their passions grew, and when they’d finished, happy and sated, all that was left was the sound of it falling steadily on their roof.

Kaito gazed half lidded at Gakupo, watching with pure adoration the way his chest rose and fell with his breathing, and the glow of the fire on his gleaming, pale skin. When the producer opened his eyes, all that Kaito saw in them was love. There was nothing else-- no sadness or pain or lust, just pure love for him and him alone. Kaito laid his head down on Gakupo’s chest wordlessly, his ear pressed to his lover’s heart, which was still slowing as he came down from his high. Gakupo wrapped both arms around Kaito, his fingers gently brushing through his short blue hair as they just breathed together in silence.

Kaito closed his eyes once more, growing sleepy again as Gakupo held him there. He was comfortable and warm and safe, and right now there was nothing in the world that could take that away from him. Maybe a little later he’d pay for this moment, but he was willing to go through whatever hell awaited his heart just to be feeling what he was right now.   
The two lovers fell asleep, staying warm and comfortable in each others’ embraces for the remainder of the morning and the start of the afternoon.

As usual, Kaito woke up first. Upon waking, he found that he was very hungry, so he got dressed, put the carrot juice he’d gotten for Gakupo into the fridge, and went to cook something for lunch.

He was a bit sore from their actions earlier, so he settled for just ordering something. He got sushi for them both, a dragon roll with extra eel on top for Gakupo and yellowfin tuna sashimi for himself. He also ordered a side of miso soup to go with the sushi, then got the ice cream from the freezer and ate a bowl of it while he waited for the delivery.

Once the food got there, Kaito went to wake Gakupo up. “Hey, wake up, sleepyhead. I got us food.” Kaito was looking down into the producer’s peaceful face when he opened his eyes. 

Gakupo smiled, stretching his arms above his head before getting up. “What did you get?” He asked, climbing out of bed. 

“Sushi and miso soup, since it’s so cold outside. There’s tea waiting as well.” 

“That sounds wonderful. Thank you, Kai.” Gakupo dressed himself, then headed to the kitchen where the meal was waiting for the two of them.

Kaito poured the soup into two separate bowls and put the sushi on plates for them both, serving them with large spoons and chopsticks. He also poured cups of tea for the two of them, sitting down once everything was served up.

Gakupo took Kaito’s hand, kissing it gracefully, and pulled his chair out for him to sit down. Kaito blushed, still surprised by the way that Gakupo could make everyday interactions so romantic. Even after living with him for a few months, he was always delighted and a little flustered by the way that Gakupo acted towards him.

It was obvious that Gakupo loved him very, very much. Kaito could only hope that his boyfriend could feel his love in the same way.

“Hey Gaku-san…?” Kaito asked quietly, waiting for his soup to cool before taking a bite.

“Hmm?” Gakupo looked up from his own bowl to meet Kaito’s eyes.

“You know I’d do anything for you, right? Anything at all.”

“I know, Kai. It’s part of why I love you. What made you say that?”

Kaito sighed. “I was just… Thinking about the situation that we’re in. For the rest of the time we have together, I want everything to be as good as it possibly can.”

“I know you do.” Gakupo put his spoon down, focusing his full attention on the Vocaloid. “I want that too. For however long we have left, I’m going to make every effort to show you just how much I cherish you.”

“I want to do the same for you.” Kaito murmured, wishing that he’d never fallen in love with Gakupo. 

If he hadn’t fallen in love, none of this would be happening. He’d get to be just a computer program serving his beloved master, singing and making music happily. Gakupo wouldn’t be in pain because of him. If it weren’t for him, Gakupo wouldn’t be hurting like this at all.

It was unforgivable in his eyes. If anyone else had dared to hurt his beloved producer like this, Kaito would have found a way to make them feel twice the pain. But it was his fault, and now all he could do was make the most of their remaining days.

“You have to work tomorrow, right?” Kaito asked. “I’ll try not to distract you…”

“I’m going to ask my boss for some time off right after lunch. You come first to me. Besides, the money I’ve made from my music will be enough to get us through a month.”

Kaito couldn’t imagine having any longer than a month at most, so he agreed to Gakupo’s plan. Even if they spent every day just laying in bed, lazily holding each other, he wanted to spend his last days by Gakupo’s side.

**Author's Note:**

> So like I said in the tags, I wrote all this (and more) in one day. I haven't written real fanfiction since high school, so any constructive criticism is welcome! Also, thank you to my sister for grammatical corrections and to my one beta reader, both who don't have ao3 accounts.


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